How to Be a Complete Bastard/Gameplay

Controls

 * Q, A, O and P: Use these keys to make Ade walk up to the back of the current room of "Chez Yuppie", down to the front of it, left and right; you can also press 1 to rotate the view in the screen's top half (by 90 degrees), 2 to rotate the view in its bottom half by 90 degrees, Space in conjunction with one of the four directional keys to search an object, F to make Ade pass intestinal gas when he has built up enough power on the "Fartometer", and both G and Enter together to abort the game (however, you should only abort it if you have absolutely no chance of winning).

Ade the Bastard
The protagonist for this game; due to technical limitations, he is coloured blue in the ZX version. The game's main display uses a split-screen view (referred to as "Bastavision" by the instruction manual), which allows you to see every room of "Chez Yuppie" from every angle, and the top half of it is used to follow Ade's direction while the bottom one is used to view the current room from another angle. On the left side of the screen are the "Weeometer" and "Drunkometer" - and drinking shall increase the level of the "Weeometer", but when it reaches its maximum level, Ade will have to urinate soon after (preferably in the bathroom before another guest goes in there and locks the door, in which case he has to find an alternative place to "relieve" himself). Drinking alcohol also increases the level of the "Drunkometer"; some of Ade's "Bastardly" activities may only get carried out when he is fairly sober, and others only when he is completely inebriated. On the right side of the screen are the "Fartometer" and "Smellometer" - and eating anything shall increase the level of the "Fartometer", but pressing F when Ade has built up enough power on it shall make him pass his intestinal gas and revert its level to minimum again. The "Smellometer" represents Ade's general body odour, and passing gas is a good way to keep it high; however, if all four of these meters should reach their maximum levels at the same time, it can result in "dire consequences".

Between the "Weeometer" and the "Fartometer" are Ade's "Bastard Points", which will go up (and sometimes down) depending on how "Bastardly" his actions are; anything cowardly or effeminate will lose him points, and below them is the game's name. Extremely "Bastardly" actions that cause one of the guests to leave will light up one of the letters in the name's last two words, while less "Bastardly" ones will only light up a letter for a short period of time - and to finish the game, all sixteen letters (including the hyphen between the second E and the B) must be lit up at the same time. However, Ade must not eat any cigarettes, coleslaw, burgers, sausages or crisps, pass gas in the kitchen (because the gas cooker's in there and it will blow him up), drink the weedkiller (because it will kill him), eat any pills (again because they will kill him), kill one of the other guests with the chainsaw or razorblade (because he will be locked away for a long time), open any umbrellas inside (because it is bad luck and it will cause him to transform into a Christmas tree) or reset the computer (because it will reset the game); he must also find objects by searching everything and can carry two at a time. In order to search an object, you must get close to it, turn to face it, then press Space - and you must then use Q and A to select one of the options in the bottom half of the screen, and Space to confirm your choice. You can also examine the objects Ade is carrying by pressing Space - and the only way Ade can get rid of an object is to use it or put it in the dustbin outside (however, doing the latter means he may not retrieve it later). When Ade is carrying objects, more options will become available to him (sometimes right away, but other times he must either find another object or even corner another guest for a "chat" by lining up with them, pushing the appropriate directional key towards them and pushing Space); it is also worth noting some options shall also only be available to Ade if the "Drunkometer" is at the appropriate level, so to increase and decrease it there is an unlimited supply of lager in the fridge and black coffee elsewhere in the kitchen (along with a bottomless pot of curry if you wish to increase the "Fartometer").

Some examples of "Bastardly" activities that Ade can do when sober include stabbing another guest with the pen, covering them in either toothpaste, washing-up liquid, shaving foam, paint, oil, itching powder or sneezing powder, dropping ice cubes down their underpants, tying them up with a hose, spraying them with perfume (if they are male), putting flowerpots or pillowcases on their heads (but not his own!), spilling wine down their necks, and squashing potatoes on their heads (again, if they're male); however, if drunk, he can take the tyre and put it over another guest's head, electrify them with a battery charger, put a bucket on their head, put the soapsuds down their neck and cut off their hair with the shears (this time if they're female).