- and : Push these keys on the title screen to begin a one- or two-player game; in a two-player game, both players will play simultaneously. You can also press to pause the game, to abort it (if you can't win it) and (in a two-player game) to toggle the screen display.
- Joystick: Use the joystick to make René (or Michelle if you are player 2) walk left and right, jump, duck, climb, and go through trap doors; you must also use the button to make them throw objects at the other characters in order to get them to help them, as well as drop off the balloon and pigeon.
René Artois and Michelle Dubois
The two main characters of the game; player 1 controls the café owner René Artois (left), while player 2 controls the Resistance agent Michelle Dubois (right). They must first recover all the fake paintings of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies (by Van Clomp) then collect all the forged francs and bribe the train driver to stop, find Officer Crabtree and collect explosive squirrels to make a bomb, free the two airmen (Bumbly Carstairs and Gavin Fairfax) and Resistance prisoners, and finally, open the safe in Lieutenant Gruber's room at the chateau and find the real painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies - but they must also avoid the German guards, collect any gold they may find, collect bottles to increase their confidence, and throw things at the other characters from the show to attract their attention. Although this was a two-player simultaneous game, you will only be able to see one of them at a time (unless they are both in the same room); you may centre the screen on either character by pressing, but the other one still has the power to move, even though you cannot see him or her, and even though any of the German guards who may be off-screen will not attack the off-screen character, he or she can still incur injury through falls, so you will have to be careful.
René's wife, who'd swallowed every excuse he sold her when she caught him in the arms of either of his waitresses (Yvette Carte-Blanche and Mimi Labonq, and between 1982 and 1986, Maria Recamier), can help him and Michelle in the game; when either of them throws something at her, she shall start singing in her own "inimitable" style, and cause any German guards in the vicinity to put their fingers in their ears as a result.
René's waitress, who had joined the show in 1987 to replace Maria Recamier (who had disguised herself as a Red Cross parcel while stuck in a prisoner-of-war camp, but did not put on enough stamps so got sent back to Switzerland), can also help him and Michelle in the game; when either of them throws something at her, she waves her handkerchief and causes German guards to walk back and forth behind her as a result.
Private Helga Geerhart
When either René or Michelle throws something at Colonel Von Strohm's secretary (who had once been a Lance Corporal, for a brief period in 1989, but was demoted by General Von Klinkerhoffen for being romantically involved with the Italian Captain Bertorelli who does not feature in this game) to stun her, she shall drop her bra; once either of them has picked it up, they can use it for to throw it at one of the other characters.
René's other waitress (who had, unlike Mimi, been with the show since the beginning), can, once again, also help him and Michelle out in the game; when either of them throws something at her, she shall adjust her suspenders and cause any German guards in the vicinity to stare at her as a result (it is for this reason there is always a stool in front of her when she appears as she shall rest her left foot on it upon activation).
The English agent (who had joined the show in 1985 to help Carstairs and Fairfax get back to England, and disguised himself as a policeman to move about with complete freedom) can, yet again, also help René and Michelle out in the game; when either of them throws something at him, he shall drop six gold coins, and one of the items that are required to clear the level, so you will have to make sure to pick every one of them up.
The undertaker with the dicky ticker, who had joined the show in 1984, can, for a fifth time, help René and Michelle out in the game; when either of them throws something at him, he shall take his hat off in respect of the dead, and cause any German guards in the vicinity to do the same as a result. The five remaining German characters are also all going to be described in the final section of this page - for they all behave identically.
Herrs Otto Flick and Engelbert Von Smallhausen of the Gestapo, the latter of whom also joined the show in 1985, and Lieutenant Hubert Gruber, Colonel Kurt Von Strohm and General Erich Von Klinkerhoffen of the German Army also appear in this game; they all behave identically by walking back and forth in a given area, and like the regular German guards, will cause René and Michelle to lose one of their bottles if they bump into them. If René and Michelle should lose all their bottles, the game will be over - but, if you type "BASH STREET KIDS" (as in the Beano comic strip, which originally started out as When the Bell Rings in 1954, but acquired its present title in 1956), on the title screen, and press , , , or , you can jump to any level. It is also odd that Gruber causes René to lose one of his bottles on bumping into him, for he fancied him in the show!