Note: The appearances of new weapons and keys are randomly-generated, so they cannot be mentioned here; however, the first time you collect a key, a black square with the text of "COLLECTING 220 KEYS ALLOWS ENTRY INTO THE PLEASURE DOME AT THE END OF THE GAME. KEYS ALSO OPEN UP SECRET PATHS HIDDEN IN THE GAME!" in it will appear in the centre of the screen, and you have to press either Start Button to continue.
Welcome to the game. Once Captain Carnage and Major Mayhem have appeared on the screen, a black square with the following text in it will appear:
Once you have pressed either Start Button to continue, you will have to walk to the left and pick up a map of Kookistan; a full view of the map (which has a top view of this mission to its right) will now come into view from the right side of the screen and the following text will appear in the black box to its left:
The texts "ORCUS WAITS FOR YOU HERE" and "YOU ARE HERE" will also flash at the top and bottom of this mission's top view, along with "PRESS START TO CONTINUE" at the bottom of the screen; once you have pressed either Start Button to continue, you will have to start walking upwards as a troop of green-, red- and blue-trousered gunners jumps down from a rock and comes running towards you while firing shots at you (and the text "DROP BOMB" flashes up below a land mine). Once you have fired a shot at each of these gunners to kill them (and dropped a bomb by the mine to destroy it) you will have to continue walking upwards as a six-wheeled truck comes into view from the left side of the screen while firing shots at you from its turret (and the text "DROP BOMBS NEXT TO BIG STUFF" appears below it) - and once you have dropped a bomb by the truck and set it alight the text "BIG STUFF BONUS" will appear on the screen, as another troop of green-trousered gunners (who have also been set alight) leaps out of it. Once you have fired a shot at each of them to kill them, you will have to walk to the right and rescue three hostages (who are hidden behind the rock, and the amounts of hostages rescued are represented by the yellow numbers on the right of the players' lives); you can then either walk up to a blue-and-magenta warp disc (which has the text "SHORTCUT" flashing below it), to warp further ahead, or pass it up to rescue five more hostages, and collect a load of jewels and American flags (while watching out for a second land mine). Once you have dropped a bomb by the mine to destroy it, a third troop of green-, red- and blue-trousered gunners will come running down towards you while firing shots at you - and once you have fired a shot at each of them to kill them, the text "YOU ARE SURROUNDED! PREPARE FOR TOTAL CARNAGE!" shall appear on the screen. More troops of green-, red- and blue-trousered gunners, along with small red and blue tanks, shall now come running and rolling towards you from all four sides of the screen while firing shots at you (and the text "FIND HIDDEN KEYS" flashes up in the bottom-left corner of the screen); once you have fired a shot at each of them to kill them (there is also a third land mine on the screen's left side), a large tank shall come rolling down towards you from the top of the screen as the text "PLACE BOMB NEAR TANK" flashes up below it. Once you've destroyed the tank, the text "BIG STUFF BONUS" will appear on the screen again, followed by "WAVE WINNER BONUS 2500" under the HUD of the player who destroyed that tank - and the texts "TOTAL CARNAGE THIS WAY" and "MOTHER OF ALL BATTLES THIS WAY" will then flash in the bottom-left and bottom-right corners of the screen. Regardless of the path you choose, a black square with text "INSTANT WARPS APPEAR THROUGHOUT THE GAME. THEY WILL WARP YOU TO A NEW AREA AND A FREE MAN. AFTER YOU CLEAR THAT AREA, YOU WILL WARP RIGHT BACK TO WHERE YOU STARTED." in it will appear and you will have to push either Start Button to continue; the text "FIND HIDDEN KEYS" flashing up in the bottom-left corner of the screen also refers to a key hidden behind the wall that shall always be there.
If you chose the left path, a troop of green- and red-trousered gunners, along with three jeeps, will come running and rolling down towards you from the top of the screen while firing shots at you; once you have fired a shot at each of the gunners to kill them (it is not always possible to drop a bomb by the jeeps to destroy them before they've gone, but if you do, the text "BIG STUFF BONUS" will appear for each one destroyed!), you can either walk to the left to a second blue-and-magenta warp disc (which has the text "INSTANT WARP. FREE MAN." flashing up below it) or pass it up and collect another load of American flags (which have been arranged to spell out a password, "SHOK", for the electric chair). A troop of green-trousered gunners will then jump out of a trap door on the screen's left side as two more come running towards you from its right side and bottom while firing at you - and once you have fired a shot at each of them to kill them, a fourth jeep will come rolling down towards you from the top of the screen while firing shots at you. Once you've dropped a bomb by it to destroy it if you can you shall come to two satellite dishes (which have the text "BLOW THIS UP" flashing to the right of them) - and once you have dropped a bomb by both of these, to destroy them (there is also a fourth land mine on the screen's right side), the text "BIG STUFF BONUS" will appear on the screen twice more. Three more jeeps, and a fourth troop of green-trousered gunners, will now roll down and run up towards you from the bottom and top of the screen while firing shots at you; once you've fired a shot at each of the gunners to kill them (and dropped a bomb by the jeeps to destroy them if you can) you'll have to walk to the left and rescue five more hostages. You'll then come to a Gatling-gunner who's firing missiles at you - and once you have fired enough shots at him to kill him, you shall have to walk up and rescue two more hostages as three more jeeps come rolling down towards you from the top of the screen and a fifth troop of green-trousered gunners jumps out of a second trap door on its left side. Once you've dropped a bomb by the jeeps to destroy them if you can, and fired a shot at each of the gunners to kill them, you will have to walk to the right and rescue three more hostages (there's also a fifth land mine in the centre of the screen here), you will have to walk up and rescue two more hostages as you come to another Gatling-gunner who is firing shots at you; once you have fired enough shots at him to kill him, three troops of green-, red- and blue-trousered gunners will come running down towards you from the top, right side, and bottom of the screen, while firing shots at you (there are also three more land mines in the centre of the screen with the text "DO NOT HOG BOMBS" to the right of them). You can now either walk up to a third blue-and-magenta warp disc, or pass up and walk to the right as three more troops of green-trousered gunners jump out of three more trap doors on the right side of the screen and come running towards you while firing shots at you - and once you have fired off a shot at each of these to kill them (there are also two more land mines in the centre of the screen), you'll come up to two more Gatling-gunners, who are firing missiles at you. Once you have fired enough shots at both of them to kill them, you will have to walk up and rescue twelve more hostages; once you've done so, you will have to walk to the left and down to collect three more American flags (while watching out for five moving land mines in the centre of the screen) then walk up and to the left to rescue nine more hostages. A troop of blue-trousered gunners shall then run towards you from the left side of the screen, while firing shots at you - and once you've fired off a shot at all of these, to kill them (there are also five more static land mines on the left side of the screen), you will have to walk up and collect an ID tag to the left of a flagpole with a larger US flag (which has the text "CHECKPOINT #1" below it) for an extra life.
If, however, you chose the right path, a troop of green-, red- and blue-trousered gunners will come running down towards you from the top of the screen while firing shots at you; once you have fired a shot at each of them to kill them, you can either walk to the right to another blue-and-magenta wormhole (which has the text "WARP" flashing up to its left), or pass it up and walk up past two crates (which have the text "MR. BUTANE HIDES HERE" flashing up to their left, so you should not destroy them!) to collect another load of American flags (which have been arranged to spell the password for the third checkpoint of Mission 2, "ROAD"). A troop of green-trousered gunners will then jump out of a trap door on the left side of the screen and come running towards you while firing shots at you - and once you have fired a shot at each of them to kill them, you will come to a Gatling-gunner who is firing shots at you. Once you have fired enough shots at him to kill him (there is also a fourth land mine in the centre of the screen here) a troop of red- and green-trousered gunners will come running down towards you from the top of the screen while firing shots at you; once you have fired a shot at each of them and killed them (there is also a fifth land mine in the centre of the screen) a jeep shall come rolling down towards you from the top of the screen. Once you have dropped a bomb by it to destroy it if you can, you will have to walk to the left to collect seven blue jewels and walk to the right to rescue three more hostages - and once you have done so you will have to walk back to the left and up as a troop of blue-trousered gunners and another jeep come running, and rolling, down towards you from the top of the screen while firing shots at you. Once you fire a shot at each of the gunners to kill them and dropped a bomb by the jeep to destroy it if you can (there is also a sixth land mine in the centre of the screen here), you'll have to walk to the right and rescue two more hostages (who are hidden by a bush); once you do it, another troop of green-trousered gunners will come running down towards you from the top of the screen, while firing shots at you. Once you've fired a shot at all of these to kill them, you will have to walk to the left and rescue two more hostages - and once you have done so you will have to walk up as you come to a second Gatling-gunner who is firing missiles at you. Once you have fired enough shots at him to kill him you will have to walk to the left and rescue two more hostages; once you have done so, you will come to the "DO NOT HOG BOMBS" message on the left path (only the land mines around it will move, and a third lot of American flags will appear above it) as a troop of green- and blue-trousered gunners come running down towards you from the top of the screen while firing shots at you. Once you've fired off one shot at each of them to kill them (while watching out for the moving land mines), a third troop of green-trousered gunners will jump out of another trap door on the left side of the screen, and come running towards you while firing shots at you. Once you've fired a shot at each of these to kill them, you'll have to walk up to collect the ID tag (it will always be there) to the left of the larger US flag on the flagpole ("CHECKPOINT #1") for an extra life.
You shall then have to fire a shot at a single additional green-trousered gunner to kill him; once you have done so, you shall have to drop a bomb by two barrels to destroy them (if you do not do this quickly enough, they will explode of their own accord and launch magenta projectiles in all eight directions). You will then have to walk to the right and down to rescue two more hostages (hidden by another bush) - and once you have done so, you will then have to walk up (while watching out for seven more barrels) and rescue a single additional hostage. You then have to walk to the left to collect another load of jewels and American flags, then rescue two more hostages (there are also four more barrels on the left side of the screen, that are worth a secret bonus when destroyed, and two more land mines in the centre of it); once you have done so, you shall have to walk back to the right and up to collect a load of purple jewels. You'll now have to walk to the right and rescue another single additional hostage (there is also a single additional land mine and five more barrels on the right side of the screen) - and once you have done it, a fourth load of American flags will appear on the right side of the screen as the text of "YOU ARE THE WEASEL MAN! YOU SHALL ABSORB TOTAL PAIN!" appears in the centre of it. A troop of blue- and purple-suited axe-wielders will now come running down towards you from the top of the screen; once you have fired a shot at each of them to kill them the screen shall cut to a shot of the United States Military Headquarters as the following text appears on it (the text of "ENGLISH TRANSLATION" shall also flash up at the bottom of it):
The game will now return to the battlefield, where all the land mines, barrels and purple jewels have been restored (there are also five more hostages for rescuing, and a fifth load of American flags will also appear for collection); once you have destroyed all the mines and barrels again, and collected all the jewels and flags troops of magenta-, green-, red-, purple- and blue-skinned mutants will come leaping towards you from the top, right side and bottom of the screen, while spitting toxic waste at you. While you're fighting against them, four more loads of jewels and American flags will appear - and once you have killed all the mutants (and collected all the jewels and flags), troops of green-trousered flamethrowers will come walking towards you, from the top, right side, and bottom of the screen while shooting flames at you (and while you are fighting against them, two more loads of jewels and American flags will appear). Once you have killed all the flamethrowers (and collected all the jewels and flags) more troops of red- and blue-trousered gunners will then come running towards you from all four sides of the screen while firing shots at you; while you are fighting against them, three more loads of jewels and American flags will appear. Once you have killed off all the gunners, an additional jeep will roll down towards you from the top of the screen, while firing shots at you - and once you have dropped a bomb by it to destroy it if you can, you will have to walk up and collect three keys (as with the ID tag by the "CHECKPOINT #1" flagpole, they shall always be there). A troop of blue-suited axe-wielders will then jump out of a toxic waste pool in the centre of the screen, land in a circle around it, and come running down towards you; once you have fired a shot at each of them to kill them (there are also five more land mines in the centre of the screen) you can either walk to the left to a fourth warp disc (which again has the text "SHORTCUT" flashing up below it) to warp further ahead again or pass it up. However, as that long way is too difficult to describe here (apart from the fact that it has another flagpole with the text "CHECKPOINT #2" below it, along with a fifth blue-and-magenta warp disc, on it), the best choice would be to take the shortcut - and once you have done so both Captain Carnage and Major Mayhem shall reappear in front of eight more mutants (seven magenta, the eighth green). Once you've fired a shot at each of them, to kill them, the text "MEET ORCUS! THE MOTHER OF ALL BOSS MONSTERS!" will appear on the screen; Orcus (who, despite his description, is male) will now fly down into view from the top of the screen (so you have to make sure your soldier is not directly underneath him when he lands, because Orcus will crush him). You'll have to collect as many of the randomly-generated powerups that appear as possible to win.
Orcus initially attacks by bouncing round the screen while firing shots at Captain Carnage and Major Mayhem from his arm guns; as such, it's advisable to aim for his arm guns first, which will be set alight when they are close to destruction. Once you have fired off enough shots at both of his arm guns to destroy them, you will have to aim for his shoulders as he switches to spitting tongues at Captain Carnage and Major Mayhem from his belly-face - and once you have fired enough shots at both of his shoulders to destroy them, you will have to aim for his belly-face. Once you have fired enough shots at both of his belly-face's eyeballs to destroy them they shall explode; you will then have to aim for his head, and once you have fired enough shots at it to destroy it, it shall explode (he shall also start breathing flames from his belly-face's nose at this point). You will then have to aim for his neck - and once you've fired enough shots at it to destroy it, you'll have to aim at his (now-eyeless) belly-face again. Once you have fired enough shots at what remains of Orcus's belly-face, it will explode and stop; you will then have to make sure your soldier is on the top half of the screen, because General Akhboob's chauffeur-driven car shall drive by from its left side and it shall kill him if it hits him. The text "BOMBS USED ON ORCUS: XX" (XX being the amount of bombs used on Orcus) will now be displayed on the screen - and the screen will now cut back to the United States Military Headquarters as the text of "UNITED NATIONS INCOMING TRANSMISSION" appears on it. The text of "TOTAL SCORE" will now be displayed at the top of the screen with both players' current scores on either side of it (if only one player is playing, the inactive player's side will display the text "JOIN IN! HELP!"), with the text of "BONUS SCORE" below it and both players' bonus scores on either side of it. Both players will then receive 60 points for every flag they collected, 40 points for every jewel they collected and 100 points for every hostage they rescued as the text of "COLLECTION BONUS" flashes at the bottom of the screen; both players' statistics will then be displayed on the screen to either side of the texts "SHOTS FIRED", "ENEMY HITS", "HIT PERCENTAGE", "WEAPONS PICKED UP", "BOMBS USED", "MISSILE STRIKES", "BIG STUFF DESTROYED", "EXTRA MEN COLLECTED", "MINES STOOD ON", "KEYS COLLECTED" and "HOSTAGES NOT RESCUED" as the text "GAME STATISTICS" flashes up at the bottom of it. A picture of the soldier with the higher total score shall now be displayed on the screen with the text of "PLAYER ONE/TWO IS GREAT!" below it - and General Akhboob will now appear on the screen for a second time to deliver another message to the US as the text of "ENGLISH TRANSLATION" flashes up at the bottom of it:
The text "ALL SMASH T.V. PLAYERS SHOULD QUIT NOW AND FLEE FROM THIS MACHINE." will then be displayed on the screen before the game proceeds to Mission 2; this is a reference to the fact that the game is much harder than its spiritual precursor, even if is set to the easiest difficulty level.
Bonus areas[edit]
On warping to a bonus area, its name, warp code, difficulty and advice will be displayed in the bottom-right corner of the screen; time bombs will also be dropped into them from above, and you will have to collect them before they explode (for every one you collect, the text "DISARMED" will appear on the screen). Once you have killed all the enemies, a blue-and-magenta warp disc which will return you to the main battlefield will appear in the centre of the screen - and if you do not make use of it immediately the text "EXIT THIS AREA!" shall appear on the screen as an uncollectable time bomb is dropped from above then counts down from 9 seconds. Once you have returned to the main battlefield, the text "TOTAL COMBINED KEYS: XX" (XX being both players' combined amount of keys) will appear on the screen - and in Jeep Action!, the text "DESTROY MOST OF THESE JEEPS AND YOUR SCORE WILL BE DOUBLED!" will appear on the screen. 74 jeeps will then come rolling down and up towards you from the top and bottom of the screen (these ones will not fire at you); once you have destroyed the last one (or it has gone), the text "DESTROYED: XX" (XX being the number of jeeps destroyed) will appear under both players' HUDs as the text "JEEP DESTRUCTION BONUS: X000 AND BONUS KEYS AWARDED!" appears in the centre of the screen (X000 being between 1000 and 7000, and is determined by how many jeeps have been destroyed) with "JEEPS ESCAPED: XX" (XX being the number of undestroyed jeeps) below it. A load of hostages will then come running down towards the soldiers from the top of the screen - and you have to rescue as many of them as possible before that uncollectable time bomb is dropped (this will also happen after killing all the enemies in Bio-Nuclear Zone and Near Factory). Bonus Hostages and Bio-Nuclear Zone also have land mines that must be destroyed with bombs (in fact, in Bonus Hostages, the soldiers will start completely surrounded by them) while Jeep Action! and Near Factory have barrels that must be shot (as does Bio-Nuclear Zone).
| Number | Name | Warp code | Difficulty | Advice | Enemy types present |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 (left path) | Bonus Hostages | ORCS | 08 | DROP BOMBS AND DON'T BE GREEDY! | Magenta and Green Mutants, Red Gunners, Time Bombs |
| 1 (right path) | Jeep Action! | SHOK | 5 | YOU SHOULD HAVE TWO PLAYERS HERE! | Jeeps, Time Bombs |
| 2 | Bio-Nuclear Zone | ?ULU | 05 | BLOW UP LAND MINES WITH BOMB | Blue and Purple Axe-Wielders, Jeeps, Six-Wheeled Trucks, Time Bombs |
| 3 | Near Factory | LICK | 07 | SHOOT BARREL TO DELAY EXPLOSION! | Green and Ochre Flamethrowers, Red Small Tanks, Jeeps, Time Bombs |