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m (Reverted edits by 212.219.81.184 (Talk) to last version by Prod) |
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|A heavy mixture of special watery atoms is drunk rapidly in the Pharmacy | |A heavy mixture of special watery atoms is drunk rapidly in the Pharmacy | ||
|- | |- | ||
!Chronic | !Chronic Nosehair | ||
|Sniffing disdainfully at those worse off than the patient | |Sniffing disdainfully at those worse off than the patient | ||
|Nosebeard a badger could make a nest in | |Nosebeard a badger could make a nest in | ||
|A disgusting hair-removal potion is taken orally, prepared by a Nurse in the Pharmacy | |A disgusting hair-removal potion is taken orally, prepared by a Nurse in the Pharmacy | ||
|- | |- | ||
!Corrugated | !Corrugated Ankles | ||
|Driving over traffic calming measures in road | |Driving over traffic calming measures in road | ||
|Footwear does not fit snugly | |Footwear does not fit snugly | ||
|A slightly toxic blend of herbs and spices is drunk to straighten out the ankles | |A slightly toxic blend of herbs and spices is drunk to straighten out the ankles | ||
|- | |- | ||
!Discrete Itching | !Discrete Itching | ||
|Tiny insects with sharp teeth | |Tiny insects with sharp teeth | ||
|Scratching, leading to body-part inflammation | |Scratching, leading to body-part inflammation | ||
|Patient drinks a pharmaceutical gluey syrup to prevent the skin from itching | |Patient drinks a pharmaceutical gluey syrup to prevent the skin from itching | ||
|- | |- | ||
!Gastric | !Gastric Ejections | ||
|Spicy Mexican or Indian food | |Spicy Mexican or Indian food | ||
|Half-digested food is emitted from the patient in random clusters | |Half-digested food is emitted from the patient in random clusters | ||
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|A Nurse can administer a selection of dissolved chemicals to coat the tum | |A Nurse can administer a selection of dissolved chemicals to coat the tum | ||
|- | |- | ||
!Heaped | !Heaped Piles | ||
|Standing around by water coolers | |Standing around by water coolers | ||
|Patient feels like he/she is sitting on a bag of marbles | |Patient feels like he/she is sitting on a bag of marbles | ||
| Line 53: | Line 53: | ||
|A high dosage of powerful stimulant is administered by a Nurse | |A high dosage of powerful stimulant is administered by a Nurse | ||
|- | |- | ||
!The | !The Squits | ||
|Eating pizza found under the cooker | |Eating pizza found under the cooker | ||
|Ugh. Surely you can guess | |Ugh. Surely you can guess | ||
| Line 63: | Line 63: | ||
|A Pharmacy drink of specially cooled and coloured water cures this disease | |A Pharmacy drink of specially cooled and coloured water cures this disease | ||
|- | |- | ||
! | !Uncommon Cold | ||
|Small particles of snot in the air | |Small particles of snot in the air | ||
|Runny nose, sneezing and discoloured lungs | |Runny nose, sneezing and discoloured lungs | ||
| Line 111: | Line 111: | ||
!Disease||Cause||Symptom||Cure | !Disease||Cause||Symptom||Cure | ||
|- | |- | ||
! | !Alien DNA | ||
|Face huggers equipped with intelligent alien blood | |Face huggers equipped with intelligent alien blood | ||
|Gradual alien metamorphosis and desire to destroy our cities | |Gradual alien metamorphosis and desire to destroy our cities | ||
|The DNA is mechanically removed, cleaned of alien elements and replaced quickly | |The DNA is mechanically removed, cleaned of alien elements and replaced quickly | ||
|- | |- | ||
! | !Baldness | ||
|Telling lies and making up stories to be popular | |Telling lies and making up stories to be popular | ||
|Shiny-headedness and embarrassment | |Shiny-headedness and embarrassment | ||
| Line 126: | Line 126: | ||
|The swollen head is popped, then reinflated to the correct PSI using a clever machine | |The swollen head is popped, then reinflated to the correct PSI using a clever machine | ||
|- | |- | ||
! | !Fractured Bones | ||
|Falling off high things onto concrete | |Falling off high things onto concrete | ||
|Loud crack and inability to use afflicted limbs | |Loud crack and inability to use afflicted limbs | ||
|The cast is set then removed using a laser-driven removing machine | |The cast is set then removed using a laser-driven removing machine | ||
|- | |- | ||
! | !Hairyitis | ||
|Prolonged exposure to the moon | |Prolonged exposure to the moon | ||
|Sufferers experience enhanced sense of smell | |Sufferers experience enhanced sense of smell | ||
|An electrolysis machine removes the hair and seals up the pores | |An electrolysis machine removes the hair and seals up the pores | ||
|- | |- | ||
! | !Jellyitis | ||
|Gelatin-rich diet and too much exercise | |Gelatin-rich diet and too much exercise | ||
|Excessive wobbliness and falling down a lot | |Excessive wobbliness and falling down a lot | ||
|The patient is immersed in the Jelly Vat in a special room for a bit | |The patient is immersed in the Jelly Vat in a special room for a bit | ||
|- | |- | ||
!Serious | !Serious Radiation | ||
|Mistaking plutonium isotopes for chewing gum | |Mistaking plutonium isotopes for chewing gum | ||
|Patients with this condition feel very, very unwell | |Patients with this condition feel very, very unwell | ||
|The patient must be placed in a Decontamination Shower and cleansed properly | |The patient must be placed in a Decontamination Shower and cleansed properly | ||
|- | |- | ||
! | !Slack Tongue | ||
|Chronic overdiscussion of soap operas | |Chronic overdiscussion of soap operas | ||
|Tongue swells to five times its original length | |Tongue swells to five times its original length | ||