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Jerkov Welcome, Comrade, to the Russian Mafia! The Russian Mafia hate the Capitalist Zaibatsu! Kill the Zaibatsu and we will respect you. |
Green phones[edit]
HOT DOG HOMICIDE![edit]
West phone
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Jerkov Comrade! Jerkov here! A leading meat processing plant will make special hot dogs to feed my troops if I supply the meat. Steal a Bus and pick up people from Bus Stops. |
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Jerkov What took you so long? I don't care where the meat comes from! Find yourself a Bus Stop and pick up passengers. I will let you know when you have enough. |
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Jerkov Excellent, Comrade, a Bus full of food! My men await you at the meat processing plant. |
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Jerkov Good work, Comrade! Supervise the mincing from the top of The Cage. |
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Passenger Please don't take me! I'm all saturated fat! |
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Passenger Please! No! I don't wanna be your hot dog! |
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Jerkov Quickly, men! Stop them getting away! |
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Passenger This is an outrageous violation of Health And Safety Regulations! |
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Passenger What's that grinding noise? AAARRRGGGHH! |
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Jerkov The miserable wretches are trying to escape! Shoot them, men! Comrade - stay put! The Hot Dog Van is full. Mmm, drive to the Kovski Diner, Comrade. |
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Jerkov Deliver the Hot Dog Van to the Kovski Diner across town! |
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Jerkov You have helped to fill the starving Kovski belly! Here's $40,000. Eat hearty, Comrade! |
MMM, RUSSIAN SAILORS![edit]
East phone
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Jerkov Hey, Comrade, it's Jerkov! Zaibatsu Dealers are cutting in on our drug trade. Collect the Z-Type we have parked and help us redress the balance. |
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Jerkov The first Z-Dealer is waiting at the Train Station in Bayano, Comrade. |
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Jerkov Sound the horn to get the Z-Dealer's attention, Comrade. |
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Z-Dealer Like, here it is and here you are, man. Far out! |
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Jerkov Perfect, Comrade. Collect the second Z-Dealer at the Hospital in Bayano. |
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Z-Dealer Is it that time already? Shit, I ain't even sold out yet. Oh well... |
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Jerkov Two Z-Dealers to go, Comrade. You will find one at the Escobar Power Cores. |
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Z-Dealer Hey, I was waitin' for my bitch! Well, business is business I guess... |
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Jerkov Collect the final Z-Dealer from Sennora and once again we will have the edge in this area! |
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Z-Dealer Hey! Looks like you got some kinda party going on in here! |
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Jerkov I wonder how long these Z-Dealers can hold their breath? Let's find out... Take them to the Crane! |
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Jerkov Get out, Comrade. Your role in this job is almost over. I think next time we use them for hot dogs and save the motor car. |
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Jerkov At last we are doing great street business - thanks to you, Comrade. We will work together again I am sure. For now, here is $40,000. |
Yellow phones[edit]
OFFICER DOWN![edit]
North phone
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Jerkov Jerkov here, Comrade. Police protection is a big earner - and I want a slice of that pie. You have FIVE minutes to destroy TWO Cop Cars and disrupt the marketplace. |
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Jerkov Nice, Comrade! Can you manage one more? |
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Jerkov Health insurance just went up thanks to you, Comrade. Now I want to start getting serious... Destroy a SWAT Van! |
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Jerkov You make this look easy, Comrade! Finally, we also intend to compete with the Government - so that means you need to destroy TWO Special Agent Cars! |
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Jerkov It's heating up! Only one Special Agent car to destroy! |
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Jerkov The City's Emergency Services are troubled thanks to you, Comrade. Take this $60,000 with our gratitude and drink to continued Kovski success! |
KARMA ASSASSINS![edit]
South phone
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Jerkov Hey, Comrade - it's Jerkov. The Karma Assassins are coming and all my good Kovski are drunk. You must protect me! |
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Jerkov You took out a Karma Assassin, Comrade! Only SEVEN to go! |
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Jerkov Another Krishna bites the dust, Comrade! Now there are SIX to kill! |
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Jerkov That's one less to worry about, Comrade. But still FIVE remain! |
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Jerkov Good work, Comrade. Now there are only FOUR Hitmen to hit! |
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Jerkov Excellent! THREE to go, Comrade! |
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Jerkov This is getting tense, Comrade! Only TWO Assassins remain! |
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Jerkov One final Krishna Killer to kill, Comrade! |
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Jerkov Outstanding, Comrade! You helped the Karma Assassins to meet their maker! |
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Jerkov Top Karma Assassin Nova Bright lies in wait in an Armored Bus. Eradicate him, Comrade! |
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Jerkov Simple weapons will not harm this spiritual Karma Bus, Comrade. Only a vehicle rigged with a bomb will do the job! |
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Jerkov Send my regards to Krishna, Mr Bright. Good work, Comrade! Let me see... I think you deserve $60,000. |
TANKS A LOT![edit]
Previous phone
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Jerkov Comrade! It's me, Jerkov! Last night Zaibatsu Executives lost everything at my poker table and now they want revenge. THREE Tanks have been sent to crush my precious Kovski Cars. |
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Jerkov The Tanks are cheap Western trash! Destroy them and protect my new Kovski Cars! |
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Jerkov I knew you were up to the job, Comrade! |
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Jerkov Two Zaibatsu Tanks on the scrap heap! Keep fighting, Comrade. |
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Jerkov Excellent, Comrade! You are tough, you smell bad, but you work hard like a Russian! Here is $60,000. We can do business again. |
Red phone[edit]
VEDIC MASSACRE![edit]
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Jerkov Hey, Comrade, it's Jerkov. Krishna free love is bankrupting my bitch action. Find Ivan and his mercenary friends to spill some free blood. |
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Ivan I have THREE guerrilla soldiers. You will need a motor vehicle! |
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Ivan Okay, Comrade, drive to the Holy Vedic Temple. Jerkov wants us to spill much Krishna blood! |
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Jerkov Okay, Comrade, we are at the Holy Vedic Temple. Get out and prove yourself a loyal Russian! Stay on foot to kill the Krishna until I signal you to halt! |
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Jerkov Zuper, Comrade! Mow down the love puppets! |
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Jerkov Keep it up, Comrade! There is ammunition on the walkways! |
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Jerkov Fantastic, Comrade! Make more Krishna Stew! |
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Jerkov KILL! KILL! KILL! Overthrow the occultists, Comrade! |
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Jerkov Fighting proud, Comrade! Survive TWO minutes inside the Vedic Temple and kill the Krishna. |
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Jerkov They are not chanting any more, Comrade. One day you should drink with me and my lady friends! For now, accept my gratitude and $80,000. |
SUPER GRASS RESCUE![edit]
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Jerkov Comrade! It's Jerkov! Some of my special gangsters have information about an Informant but are trapped in the Zaibatsu Power Core. Free them - and their knowledge! |
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Jerkov The doorway is locked, Comrade. Try bombing the Generators to release the sticky locks. |
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Jerkov Excellent! One Generator destroyed! |
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Jerkov Second Generator kaput! |
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Jerkov Very professional, Comrade. Only one Generator functioning. |
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Jerkov Fantastic, the doorway is open! Find my Kovski! |
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Jerkov Protect my loyal Kovski - one of them has vital information! MOVE! The Zaibatsu are on to you! Protect my men and I will arrange for the doorway to be opened from the outside. |
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Jerkov Word is out, Comrade, and THREE Assassins are moving in. I will arrange for the doorway to be opened. You watch your back. |
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Jerkov Good! You nailed the Corporate Killer! |
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Jerkov Ha! Zaibatsu Assassins are a joke! |
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Jerkov Very professional, Comrade. Bring my men to meet Uncle Vanka in the Russian zone. He is the only one I know who can interpret the gangster information. |
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Jerkov Get out of the vehicle and Uncle Vanka will interpret. |
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Uncle Vanka Tell me - who is the Informant? He says... "Some guy has some dirty... information about Jerkov's wife - and he's going to reveal all... to the Cops". |
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Jerkov My son wants to deal with this Informant. Steal a Cop Car and I will relay to you further instructions. |
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Jerkov Why, that Cop Uniform fits like a glove, Comrade! Find the Informant and pull up in front of his car. Don't forget to use the siren - he won't get out if it's not on! |
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Informant Screw you, Cop! You won't ever take me alive! |
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Jerkov Do not let the Informant escape, Comrade! And when you catch him, make sure you get him into a Cop Car! |
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Informant OK, so you WILL take me alive... Don't hurt me! I'm sensitive! |
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Jerkov My son is waiting with a few of my men at the Lubyanka Docks. Take the Informant to him. |
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Jerkov's Son Good to see you, Comrade. Now get out of the Cop Car and let me see the Informant's face! So this is the Informant... Well done, Comrade. Now stand back - we have work to do. Soften him up, men! |
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Jerkov's Son Enough, men! Now it's my turn... Stand back! Nobody spreads filth about my mother and lives... DIE! |
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Jerkov A commendable performance, Comrade. I am well pleased with your work this day! Here is my appreciation - $80,000! |
ALL RUSSIAN JOBS DONE![edit]
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Jerkov Fantastic, Comrade! You have completed ALL the Russian jobs! |