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Jerkov Jerkov
Welcome, Comrade, to the Russian Mafia!

The Russian Mafia hate the Capitalist Zaibatsu! Kill the Zaibatsu and we will respect you.

Green phones[edit]

HOT DOG HOMICIDE![edit]

West phone

Jerkov Jerkov
Comrade! Jerkov here! A leading meat processing plant will make special hot dogs to feed my troops if I supply the meat. Steal a Bus and pick up people from Bus Stops.
Jerkov Jerkov
What took you so long? I don't care where the meat comes from! Find yourself a Bus Stop and pick up passengers. I will let you know when you have enough.
Jerkov Jerkov
Excellent, Comrade, a Bus full of food! My men await you at the meat processing plant.
Jerkov Jerkov
Good work, Comrade! Supervise the mincing from the top of The Cage.
Passenger Passenger
Please don't take me! I'm all saturated fat!
Passenger Passenger
Please! No! I don't wanna be your hot dog!
Jerkov Jerkov
Quickly, men! Stop them getting away!
Passenger Passenger
This is an outrageous violation of Health And Safety Regulations!
Passenger Passenger
What's that grinding noise? AAARRRGGGHH!
Jerkov Jerkov
The miserable wretches are trying to escape! Shoot them, men! Comrade - stay put!

The Hot Dog Van is full. Mmm, drive to the Kovski Diner, Comrade.

Jerkov Jerkov
Deliver the Hot Dog Van to the Kovski Diner across town!
Jerkov Jerkov
You have helped to fill the starving Kovski belly! Here's $40,000. Eat hearty, Comrade!

MMM, RUSSIAN SAILORS![edit]

East phone

Jerkov Jerkov
Hey, Comrade, it's Jerkov! Zaibatsu Dealers are cutting in on our drug trade. Collect the Z-Type we have parked and help us redress the balance.
Jerkov Jerkov
The first Z-Dealer is waiting at the Train Station in Bayano, Comrade.
Jerkov Jerkov
Sound the horn to get the Z-Dealer's attention, Comrade.
Z-Dealer Z-Dealer
Like, here it is and here you are, man. Far out!
Jerkov Jerkov
Perfect, Comrade. Collect the second Z-Dealer at the Hospital in Bayano.
Z-Dealer Z-Dealer
Is it that time already? Shit, I ain't even sold out yet. Oh well...
Jerkov Jerkov
Two Z-Dealers to go, Comrade. You will find one at the Escobar Power Cores.
Z-Dealer Z-Dealer
Hey, I was waitin' for my bitch! Well, business is business I guess...
Jerkov Jerkov
Collect the final Z-Dealer from Sennora and once again we will have the edge in this area!
Z-Dealer Z-Dealer
Hey! Looks like you got some kinda party going on in here!
Jerkov Jerkov
I wonder how long these Z-Dealers can hold their breath? Let's find out... Take them to the Crane!
Jerkov Jerkov
Get out, Comrade. Your role in this job is almost over.

I think next time we use them for hot dogs and save the motor car.

Jerkov Jerkov
At last we are doing great street business - thanks to you, Comrade. We will work together again I am sure. For now, here is $40,000.

Yellow phones[edit]

OFFICER DOWN![edit]

North phone

Jerkov Jerkov
Jerkov here, Comrade. Police protection is a big earner - and I want a slice of that pie. You have FIVE minutes to destroy TWO Cop Cars and disrupt the marketplace.
Jerkov Jerkov
Nice, Comrade! Can you manage one more?
Jerkov Jerkov
Health insurance just went up thanks to you, Comrade. Now I want to start getting serious... Destroy a SWAT Van!
Jerkov Jerkov
You make this look easy, Comrade! Finally, we also intend to compete with the Government - so that means you need to destroy TWO Special Agent Cars!
Jerkov Jerkov
It's heating up! Only one Special Agent car to destroy!
Jerkov Jerkov
The City's Emergency Services are troubled thanks to you, Comrade. Take this $60,000 with our gratitude and drink to continued Kovski success!

KARMA ASSASSINS![edit]

South phone

Jerkov Jerkov
Hey, Comrade - it's Jerkov. The Karma Assassins are coming and all my good Kovski are drunk. You must protect me!
Jerkov Jerkov
You took out a Karma Assassin, Comrade! Only SEVEN to go!
Jerkov Jerkov
Another Krishna bites the dust, Comrade! Now there are SIX to kill!
Jerkov Jerkov
That's one less to worry about, Comrade. But still FIVE remain!
Jerkov Jerkov
Good work, Comrade. Now there are only FOUR Hitmen to hit!
Jerkov Jerkov
Excellent! THREE to go, Comrade!
Jerkov Jerkov
This is getting tense, Comrade! Only TWO Assassins remain!
Jerkov Jerkov
One final Krishna Killer to kill, Comrade!
Jerkov Jerkov
Outstanding, Comrade! You helped the Karma Assassins to meet their maker!
Jerkov Jerkov
Top Karma Assassin Nova Bright lies in wait in an Armored Bus. Eradicate him, Comrade!
Jerkov Jerkov
Simple weapons will not harm this spiritual Karma Bus, Comrade. Only a vehicle rigged with a bomb will do the job!
Jerkov Jerkov
Send my regards to Krishna, Mr Bright. Good work, Comrade! Let me see... I think you deserve $60,000.

TANKS A LOT![edit]

Previous phone

Jerkov Jerkov
Comrade! It's me, Jerkov! Last night Zaibatsu Executives lost everything at my poker table and now they want revenge. THREE Tanks have been sent to crush my precious Kovski Cars.
Jerkov Jerkov
The Tanks are cheap Western trash! Destroy them and protect my new Kovski Cars!
Jerkov Jerkov
I knew you were up to the job, Comrade!
Jerkov Jerkov
Two Zaibatsu Tanks on the scrap heap! Keep fighting, Comrade.
Jerkov Jerkov
Excellent, Comrade! You are tough, you smell bad, but you work hard like a Russian! Here is $60,000. We can do business again.

Red phone[edit]

VEDIC MASSACRE![edit]

Jerkov Jerkov
Hey, Comrade, it's Jerkov. Krishna free love is bankrupting my bitch action. Find Ivan and his mercenary friends to spill some free blood.
Ivan Ivan
I have THREE guerrilla soldiers. You will need a motor vehicle!
Ivan Ivan
Okay, Comrade, drive to the Holy Vedic Temple. Jerkov wants us to spill much Krishna blood!
Jerkov Jerkov
Okay, Comrade, we are at the Holy Vedic Temple. Get out and prove yourself a loyal Russian!

Stay on foot to kill the Krishna until I signal you to halt!

Jerkov Jerkov
Zuper, Comrade! Mow down the love puppets!
Jerkov Jerkov
Keep it up, Comrade! There is ammunition on the walkways!
Jerkov Jerkov
Fantastic, Comrade! Make more Krishna Stew!
Jerkov Jerkov
KILL! KILL! KILL! Overthrow the occultists, Comrade!
Jerkov Jerkov
Fighting proud, Comrade! Survive TWO minutes inside the Vedic Temple and kill the Krishna.
Jerkov Jerkov
They are not chanting any more, Comrade. One day you should drink with me and my lady friends! For now, accept my gratitude and $80,000.

SUPER GRASS RESCUE![edit]

Jerkov Jerkov
Comrade! It's Jerkov! Some of my special gangsters have information about an Informant but are trapped in the Zaibatsu Power Core. Free them - and their knowledge!
Jerkov Jerkov
The doorway is locked, Comrade. Try bombing the Generators to release the sticky locks.
Jerkov Jerkov
Excellent! One Generator destroyed!
Jerkov Jerkov
Second Generator kaput!
Jerkov Jerkov
Very professional, Comrade. Only one Generator functioning.
Jerkov Jerkov
Fantastic, the doorway is open! Find my Kovski!
Jerkov Jerkov
Protect my loyal Kovski - one of them has vital information! MOVE!

The Zaibatsu are on to you! Protect my men and I will arrange for the doorway to be opened from the outside.

Jerkov Jerkov
Word is out, Comrade, and THREE Assassins are moving in. I will arrange for the doorway to be opened. You watch your back.
Jerkov Jerkov
Good! You nailed the Corporate Killer!
Jerkov Jerkov
Ha! Zaibatsu Assassins are a joke!
Jerkov Jerkov
Very professional, Comrade. Bring my men to meet Uncle Vanka in the Russian zone. He is the only one I know who can interpret the gangster information.
Jerkov Jerkov
Get out of the vehicle and Uncle Vanka will interpret.
Uncle Vanka Uncle Vanka
Tell me - who is the Informant?

He says... "Some guy has some dirty... information about Jerkov's wife - and he's going to reveal all... to the Cops".

Jerkov Jerkov
My son wants to deal with this Informant. Steal a Cop Car and I will relay to you further instructions.
Jerkov Jerkov
Why, that Cop Uniform fits like a glove, Comrade! Find the Informant and pull up in front of his car. Don't forget to use the siren - he won't get out if it's not on!
Informant Informant
Screw you, Cop! You won't ever take me alive!
Jerkov Jerkov
Do not let the Informant escape, Comrade! And when you catch him, make sure you get him into a Cop Car!
Informant Informant
OK, so you WILL take me alive... Don't hurt me! I'm sensitive!
Jerkov Jerkov
My son is waiting with a few of my men at the Lubyanka Docks. Take the Informant to him.
Jerkov's Son Jerkov's Son
Good to see you, Comrade. Now get out of the Cop Car and let me see the Informant's face!

So this is the Informant... Well done, Comrade. Now stand back - we have work to do. Soften him up, men!

Jerkov's Son Jerkov's Son
Enough, men! Now it's my turn... Stand back!

Nobody spreads filth about my mother and lives... DIE!

Jerkov Jerkov
A commendable performance, Comrade. I am well pleased with your work this day! Here is my appreciation - $80,000!

ALL RUSSIAN JOBS DONE![edit]

Jerkov Jerkov
Fantastic, Comrade! You have completed ALL the Russian jobs!